Work Less, Good by Bronson Rathbone

To my former boss who told me to “Work less good.” First of all, your grammar sucks. What do you mean? I had to ask.

“Well, you’re doing A+ work and I need you to do more C work.” You told me.

“Ohh, alright, wait what?” This goes against everything Miss Kemp had taught me from the first days of Kindergarten.

“You want me to try less?” Does that grammar even make sense? You have sucked me into your warped effortless world.

You then explained how you “appreciate my hard work” and think I am “excellent” at what I do and blah blah straight up you want more return in less time. You don’t care about the quality. You care about the quantity.

You’re doing
A+ work
And I need you
to do more

C work

“So do you think you can do this?” You ask.

I could not answer too fast. I had to run down the facts. Well, I need the money. This pays very well. I would not have to try so hard. But how do I try less hard with more results? You suggested copy and paste from other sources but that isn’t legal. How would this benefit me in any way? I hate doing this work. I only took this job out of financial desperation. But it is easy. But I hate you. But I get free things sometimes. But this office makes me want to slingshot a grackle. God, fuck those grackles. I can’t even eat my tuna in peace…

“Hey, can you do this?”

I thought about it again but this time only briefly.

“I could. I could do it very easily actually. But I won’t. Subjecting myself to a job where “A+” work is discouraged is just not for me. It’s insulting actually. So thank you for the opportunity you have given me, but you will have to find someone else.”

That was the only time I quit on the spot. And damn it felt good.

But I hope you found your “C” student to take my place. Even though I know you didn’t since you texted me to do some “contract work” the other night. “Sure, can I do this with the least amount of effort possible?” You never responded. And I am very glad about it.

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