This poem was contributed by our very own Artist, Writer, and Namer of Things, Natalie Earhart. Check out her work as a professional artist on her website natalieearhart.com.
Things I Blame
I blame the girl with the smelly banana sitting across from me
I blame David Sedaris, Dave Eggers and Tina Fey for saying it so much better
I blame the USA channel and their Tuesday Law and Order SVU marathons
I blame Netflix for their free month trial
I blame Netflix for automatically playing the next episode
I blame The Office for having 9 glorious seasons
I blame the days for being too short and my to-do lists for being too long
I blame the oven for taking too long to heat up
I blame the part on my laptop where I connect the charger that broke, forcing me to keep it plugged in
I blame myself for plugging my laptop into the socket closest to my bed
I blame my bed
I blame my hand me down zebra robe
I blame my parents
I blame the rain for rusting my bike lock and the boy at the bike store for convincing me to get a U-lock
I blame the person who stole my bike and my lock
I blame my routine of blaming routine every day
I blame the number 11 bus driver with too many piercings on her face and too much anger in her voice
I blame the fluorescent lights on my ceiling
I blame my neighbor’s pitbull, Bat, and his “anxiety issues”
I blame the soles of my black flats for wearing too fast
I blame clocks, and watches, and phones for counting on me to count them down
I blame my multiple tabs
I blame competitive cooking shows
I blame everyone who does it better
I blame myself for blaming all of these things instead of creating something more important
