This poem was contributed by our very own Artist, Writer, and Namer of Things, Natalie Earhart. Check out her work as a professional artist on her website

Things I Blame

I blame the girl with the smelly banana sitting across from me

I blame David Sedaris, Dave Eggers and Tina Fey for saying it so much better

I blame the USA channel and their Tuesday Law and Order SVU marathons

I blame Netflix for their free month trial

I blame Netflix for automatically playing the next episode

I blame The Office for having 9 glorious seasons

I blame the days for being too short and my to-do lists for being too long

I blame the oven for taking too long to heat up

I blame the part on my laptop where I connect the charger that broke, forcing me to keep it plugged in

I blame myself for plugging my laptop into the socket closest to my bed

I blame my bed

I blame my hand me down zebra robe

I blame my parents

I blame the rain for rusting my bike lock and the boy at the bike store for convincing me to get a U-lock

I blame the person who stole my bike and my lock

I blame my routine of blaming routine every day

I blame the number 11 bus driver with too many piercings on her face and too much anger in her voice

I blame the fluorescent lights on my ceiling

I blame my neighbor’s pitbull, Bat, and his “anxiety issues”

I blame the soles of my black flats for wearing too fast

I blame clocks, and watches, and phones for counting on me to count them down

I blame my multiple tabs

I blame competitive cooking shows

I blame everyone who does it better

I blame myself for blaming all of these things instead of creating something more important

Things I Blame by Natalie Earhart
Things I Blame by Natalie Earhart


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