During Monday’s press conference, head HMC Labs scientist, Rafal Sahanujan, assured attendees that “the preservation of life and a morally sound society is our main concern.”

After nearly two decades of highly classified research and trials, their recently acclaimed operation is “highly stable and ready for immediate application in the field—following legislative approval of course” claims Sahanujan.

Reports state that a full HMC can successfully wipe and restore balance to the human mind with minimal collateral damage, while preventing any future chance of corrupt behavior or thought. Patients experience a three week long rehabilitation session during which they are reintroduced to socially acceptable conduct and reintegrated into daily routines.

HMC Labs Facility - Damien Jemison/LLNL
HMC Labs Facility – Damien Jemison/LLNL

HMC treatment Science Lesson

Our neuroscientists first map the patient’s mind while exposing them to trigger content. This indicated any non-conformities when compared to a pure, healthy brain. Target sections are then treated using imaging waves and a variant of the inverse Radon transform, destroying and repairing synapses.

Tests of the Hygienic Memory Cleanse treatment administered on death row and solitary confinement inmates show a startling 99% success rate in the elimination of divergent behavior and thought.

“It’s as though the patient’s mind had been rewired toward purely positive traits. His personality remained in-tact, for the most part, but there was a very noticeable improvement in temperament and emotional response” remarked Swiss press associate Angelica Napal, having been invited to HMC’s first press demonstration operation last month in Bern.

“We foresee innumerable lifesaving potential for HMC. I would be surprised if the US has any need for capital punishment following the roll-out of HMC procedures“ stated Sahanujan optimistically, adding “a life anew is vastly superior to a life taken.”

Further government approval is pending on low dose over the counter treatments that will soon be a viable option for minor offenders and regular consumers alike.



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