The fight against processed food has finally been won. After a six-week standoff with HEB, protesters were pleased to learn the grocery giant gave in to their demands. As of two days ago, processed food was outlawed in the store.

“It’s been a long road but it was time well spent,” one of the Organic-izers shared with us after the announcement was made.

Their protest song was ambivalent, “No process! Yes progress!” but their demands were clear. The Organic-izers wanted all processed foods removed from the store.

The effort was first formed as a rebellion against junk food with inspiration traced back to the blog, “10 Reasons Why Processed Food is So Bad for You.”

Their website read like a nostalgic novel calling for elimination of classic kid favs: Cheetos, Gushers, Donettes, Pop-Tarts, Red Vines, Goldfish and Fruit by the Foot were found at the top. As the weeks progressed, the list grew to include less controversial but still technically “processed” foods: canned beans, frozen spinach and all Campbell’s products were added.

When asked about the reasoning behind including frozen fruits and vegetables, the leader, Mary Gregory, said they “didn’t want to take any chances.”

The opposition, led by store managers and backed by the Harvard Medical School, tried to explain that under their rigid guidelines, cooked, canned, cut and frozen foods would be banned. The group however, wouldn’t budge.

In an effort of goodwill and irony, HEB agreed to their demands and even extended their store hours. As anti-processed customers filled the stores, they found empty shelves, coolers and stands. All carts and baskets had been removed from the store as they are no longer needed. The one employee left rollerblades through the aisles asking people if they need help finding anything.

At this time we have been informed that most people have succumbed to shopping at the neighboring Randall’s market, incognito, for the time being.


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